What Sex Is, What It Should Be, Why Our View Of It Is Wrong


What Sex Is, What It Should Be,

Why Our View Of It Is Wrong

Stephen Newdell

All of this is my opinion – based upon my understanding of scripture, and years of thinking about it.

I probably was age 15 when I got a big realization, that sex is natural, normal and healthy. Many people have a twisted view about it.

The German actress Marlene Dietrich once said, In America Sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it’s a fact” and In America sex is always a crisis.

Why it is always a crisis? What is wrong with our thinking? Why do women giggle at the very mention of sex and grown men point and laugh like 6-year-old boys? Our women are obsessed with being glamorous and “hot.” They’re obsessed with fashion – which they mistake for nakedness.

And then, no one studies a few books about how bodies work, how to be a good lover, and many do the most abusive things to one another.

So here’s my view on it.

Sex belongs ideally in marriage between one man and one woman who are dedicated to one another. Real married lovers DON’T “have sex.” They make love. They express their love in a heart to heart connection that speaks in a way that words cannot express.

A good man wants to love, care for, protect and please ONE good woman, and a good woman wants to support, and often tolerate the leadership role of her man. When he’s away she the first officer, navigator and helmswoman. When he’s home he’s the captain and she accepts his decisions and orders. Of course they often have differences but most couples can be thoughtful, analytical (I hope so) and work out the best way to handle difficulties….whatever they might be.

Sex becomes a way to express love, and love is an extension of affinity and appreciation for one another about all the couple does together for the years that follow.

Some people will argue that everyone just biologically has a desire to change partners every 2 or 3 years. Nonsense. When the going gets a little boring or difficult, the wise keep going anyway, because there’s more to life than just rubbing bodies together.

Did Jesus leave God when the going was tough? Likewise, we should never leave one another just because the kids are grown and left home and we imagine we’re too comfortable with that familiar person. So now we want to get connected to some stranger and try again. Ridiculous and a bit disgusting to me.

Sex is the private expression between husband and wife that no one else can have. If you dilute it with other lovers it’s no longer private and no longer an exclusive way of saying, “I Love You.” Diluting with multiple partners ruins the relationship. Likewise, climbing into bed on a first date ruins the relationship because you just said, “I want to have you” but it does not say, “I want to dedicate my life to care for you.”

There have been colonies and tribes that traded partners. No one knew who the father of a child might be. No one cared. The entire village raised the child because anyone could be his father, and growing up the child then has no father for guidance and no Heavenly Father for direct reasoning; so he grew up to be a barbarian.

People use one another for lustful exercise as if they rented an exercise bicycle. It’s unhealthy. It’s un-Godly. 

In the Old Testament there’s a story of two men who were idol worshipers. They brought “strange fire” to God’s alter. They both died for it. Apparently God thinks bringing strange fire to the bedroom is abominable.

Sex should be as normal and natural as breathing. It should be for You and the ONE to whom you are dedicated. It should not be an event that is so unusual that you giggle about it, or are embarrassed about it, or even make great unusual flirtations over the event.

I’m a massage therapist and Chiropractor. In my work my patients remained dressed. I requested they wear blue jeans or sweat slacks and a T-shirt or Sweat Shirt. I applied Swedish massage through their clothing, and adjusted the spine as I felt muscles relax and balance. It was seamless.

I could be in the middle of your back. I’d feel muscles relax and release. My hands quickly moved to the right position, I lean, press my weight down. “Let your breath out” or say nothing as I feel him exhale, and then feel the joint slip back into correct position. Nearly everyone got well. No one got worse. No one was ever harmed. Based on national averages, my statistics for getting patients well was truly, unbelievably good.

At home, on our bed, I massage my wife and eventually end up joining with her. It’s as natural as breathing and we eventually end up satisfied, happy, knowing we have said, “I Love You” and soon we’re asleep.

If all of that is so shocking, I’m still asking you, “What’s the big deal? Why are you shocked? We sneeze. Is that a big deal? We have meals together at the same dining table. Is that a big deal? It’s just normal biology. It’s just naturally the way things should be.

ONE man, ONE woman saying “I Love You” physically is normal and millions of years old.

Two people parenting and raising children to follow the law, keep God’s Ways, and understand upright moral behavior is normal and is the right way. They know right from wrong. The Bible explains it. That is normal and healthy and the way Western Civilization has held itself together for the past at least 1,500 years.

The most important part of this is to make God and the Savior Jesus the Christ the center of your family’s life philosophy. Without God, the family is just a tribe of humans under the same roof and the kids are destined to grow up to be hopelessly confused.

The big deal is, schools are teaching some aberrated satanic life style and destroying society. The big disaster is, people are still lost in space when it comes to their correct sexuality.


aberrated in Medicine 

aberrated ab·er·rat·ed (āb’ə-rā’tĭd) 
Characterized by defects, abnormality, or deviation from the usual, typical, or expected course.

You don’t need a big book on this subject. You don’t need 1,000 hours of psychological counseling. You need to read the Bible and wrap your mind around God’s Righteous Ways and the rest takes care of itself.

If you need to learn anything beside the top 20-positions, I’d suggest you learn some Swedish massage and practice it at home with your spouse. You can begin massaging hands and feet on the couch after a tough day. You’ll be amazed at the benefits for both of you.

Move very slowly. Take time. Prove, not how strong you can be, but how sensitive you can be, and let your inborn innate instinct do the rest. Slowly, gently, learn from your spouse what works for him/her. Just enjoy taking time to say “I Love You” and if it turns into sexual union that’s great and if it is only the gift of a massage and sleep with nothing more, that’s a wonderful, and fondly remembered way to say, “I Love You” too.


If all of this has horrified you, apparently the problem is not with me, it’s with you. If you’re frozen about it, can’t think about it, disgusted by it, want to hide it under a ton of bricks and never look at what you really think and feel about it, you’re the one who has to analyze yourself, because the rest of the world is happy to live and love and you’re not.




 536 total views,  1 views today